Ugh...a day of lots of internal struggles.

After coming off of my weekend eating binge, I guess todays eats was okay.  A big improvement from the last 3 days.  I did not keep a good calorie count today, So I am not sure where I am calorie wise but here is what I ate today.

Breakfast
     White Chocolate Latte

Snack
     Apple

Lunch
    Salad (homemade)

Snack
     White Chocolate Mocha
      Slice of Pumpkin Bread

Dinner
     Hot link w/ mustard & relish
     Hot dog bun

Workouts
     I made it into the gym, but that is about all that got done.  At 8:30ish the durn gym was still packed.  There was not an empty treadmill or elliptical.  So I grabbed my stuff and left.  To make matters worse, I got back to my car and I am leaving the parking garage for the gym...and for the whole 15 minutes I was in there it cost me $8 to park my car!  That was the most expensive 15 minutes of my life!  Sigh.

I need to pray and get some things off my chest, I am heavy right now.  I am hurt, I am hearing the little child in me kicking and screaming saying "I don't wanna"  I hear the sound of fear in my voice.  I am feeling myself trembling because of my worry and my fear.  All I could do on hte car ride home was cry.  I know my tears don't move God, but I literally felt numb today.  All that could come out of me was tears..I can't formulate words to express the pain...but there is pain to my core.