Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Looking forward to the New Year

2014....What a year! Today the last day of the year.  Just about 6 and a half hours away from a brand new year!

365 days make up a year...and I plan to make the best of every day.  Most of those days were wasted in 2014.  2015 will not be a wasteful year. That is the ultimate goal...Don't waste any more time.  Yes I made a vision board, but that Vision Board is filled with things I have wanted to do for so long!  Things I wanted but never did and things I wanted but I let fear and insecurities stop me.  Goals can't be reached without a plan, without action, or without commitment.

2015...I am ready for you! 
Not 365 days...but 365 opportunities to move toward my goals. 
I will make the most of every opportunity.

Today December 31st 2014, I have registered for my first Photography Class at Samy's Photo School!  It's a basic course for my Canon 60d.  The lessons will be for specifically for my camera.  There is still so much about my camera I don't know, so this will help me so much!  The class is on February one thing from my Vision Board underway!
Monday, December 29, 2014

2015 Vision Board

Trying something new for 2015.  A have a few days before the New Year rolls in, and the last few days, I am trying to prepare myself for a different 2015.  There was an event among some friends  of mine to create a vision board for 2015.  I was not 100% clear on what a vision board is, so let me give you some tidbits from what I found online.

What is a Vision Board?
A vision board is a tool used to help clarify, concentrate and maintain focus on a specific life goal. Literally, a vision board is any sort of board on which you display images that represent whatever you want to be, do or have in your life.  Making use of vision boards serves several purposes, some of which include helping you to:
  • Identify your vision and give it clarity.
  • Reinforce your daily affirmations.
  • Keep your attention on your intentions.

This appealed to me since I am such a visual person.  Why make Resolutions?  I think them up, rarely write them down and certainly I never keep them.  My group of friends made their Vision Boards with poster board and magazine clippings, but since I was out of town, and I don't consider myself the arts and crafts type, I was able to find an app in the App Store to create a Vision board on my phone!  The down side to the app is that I don't have a poster to hang somewhere, but the positive is, I was able to save my vision board as an image, which I have now save has my background image on my phone.  Since I am always with my phone, and always doing something on my vision board will be seen, many times throughout the day.   I will print the graphic and hang on my fridge and also on the bathroom mirror.  I think the more I can see it the better.

The app was very easy to use, there were a lot of graphics built into the app and if you wanted, you could use photos from your phone.  So if you are interested, the app is Iphone & Android friendly.  There is a quick tutorial on the webpage to help you navigate, but it's really easy to use.  Feel free to check it out if you are interested.  Jack Canfield - Free Vision Board App

So I am excited for 2015, It won't be an easy year, but it will be a year of change, a year of transformation and growth.  Here is my vision board for 2015

Sunday, November 30, 2014

The Countdown Begins...

Here it is a Sunday night...not just any Sunday night, but the last Sunday in November.  December 1 is tomorrow.  2014 will be ending in 31 days.  There was been such a war within in me these last few weeks. 

As you can see this year, I have completely fallen off from my blog writing.  As I take inventory of myself during 2014, I have completely fallen off on the majority of things in my life.  I won't list them all here, but last week I commented to a friend, my life is just completely out of control.  Why?

The Why actually hurts my heart to say.  But I must be honest with myself because I know it is only in my honesty that I can begin to change.  Why...cause I have lost my love for God. I have forgotten the foundation of my relationship with my Lord and Savior.  I have forgotten to Seek Ye First... 

There is such an emptiness within me, I feel like I am dying.  I had a dream last night, it was kind of weird  I don't have complete understanding of the dream, but to dream that I was bleeding from several areas of my body, can not in any way represent anything positive.  In my dream I was bleeding from my arm, my nose and my forehead, like someone had cut my forehead right along my hair line and I just saw the blood dripping from my forehead.  In the dream as I was sitting in the chair, I was thinking why am I bleeding.  As I think about the dream now, I am a little concerned that I was wondering why I was bleeding as opposed to trying to stop the bleeding.  I guess that also depicts my just complacent, nonchalant attitude about things that I should be more concerned about. 

There was a time that I had such peace, I was content, borderline happy.  I remember thinking at times that I was truly enjoying life.  That was my favorite thing I was enjoying life while having this fantastic relationship with God!  Growing up I always ran into "church" people that gave this impression, that being in church equalled no fun.  There are times church is not fun, but my relationship with God was not just about church. I have had awesome times with God, just me and him, without being in church.  These are truly the moments I miss.  About this time last year, I was very deeply hurt, and without even having the opportunity to go talk to anyone about the issue, He was right there to talk me through it.  I remember waking up the morning after and He was singing to me.  God sang to me!  To me...yup me, Little ole me.  And it touched my heart so, and brought me to tears, that my big great God, would even think to sing a song to me. 

I am hurt very much again almost exactly a year later.  And he again is still talking me through.  I am not gonna lie, this time, it's a bit harder.  He helped me last year with a hurt done by a man.  This year I need help with the hurt I have done to myself.  The hurt I have done to myself by walking away from him.  The hurt I have cause from letting my desire and wants come before Him.  The hurt I have caused from my own self will, my own disobedience, my own rebellion...I hurt.  I hurt deeply. I hurt a hurt I have yet to feel before. I have been so wrapped up in me, and doing what I wanted, it has completely overtaken me.  How quickly I have forgotten his promises to me.  How quickly I have forgotten to have no other gods before him.  How quickly my heart has backslidden, how quickly my heart has gotten cold, how quickly my heart has become hardened.  Letting go of all these things that have drawn me away is hard.  I do good one day and the next day those same things are pulling at me and like the addict I go, I follow, I allow to be overtaken. 

My heart today is truly broken for I now know what it feels like not to have love returned.  After all the times he has been chasing, after all the times he has called, and I turned away and ignored him.  My God is hurt, I realize today, He is hurt.  And now I am hurt, hurt the way He is hurt.  I think it was September when a friend and I had the awkward conversation of our feelings.  We both said we had "more than friend feelings".  It has been a month since I have seen him, or even spoken to him, calls and text unreturned.  That hurts, I feel so rejected and deeply hurt.  I have no idea what is going on with him, if he's okay, or nothing.  30 days of no communication.  I want to be angry with this guy but I can't be.  There is a lesson to learn in every situation.  This unfortunately is a hard lesson to learn, but definitely a lesson that needs to be learned. 

This morning as I was driving around, my mind clicked and said, is this how you feel God, when I didn't respond to you?  If this is just a small portion of his feelings when I don't return his call...I owe him the biggest apology. God doesn't deserve this from me.  He has been the loving gentleman he always has been, and I have been distracted, I have ignored my greatest love, and His big heart hurts deeply for I have rejected Him.  In my feelings of rejection that I feel from Mr. Man, I relate to the rejection that I have served up undeservingly to God.

I don't want to wait until January 1 to make change, I am trying to change now before the year ends.  Tomorrow is not promised to me, but every day I am striving to do my best to return to my Lord. 

In years past this blog has been such a great outlet for me.  It was very therapeutic, it was a place I could be honest with no judgment.  So I plan to come back, hopefully before January 1.  Things will likely change on this blog, time to add some other parts of my journey on here, cause my weight loss, healthier living journey is just not a natural one.  Hope to stick with me, but if not, its completely okay.  I understand. 

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Happy New Year!

I can't believe that a new year is here!  So Happy New Year!
Last year around this time I already knew what my goals for the year would be.  This year, I have no idea what my goals should be.  For right now the goal is to finish the goals I did not complete in 2013.

I am glad 2013 is gone...It had many ups & downs, and the downs just beat me down like I could have never imagined.  But yet I am still here, TRYING, to get heatlhy, continuing to keep moving and TRYING to lose weight!  It is not a easy task, but I am not giving up!

I did not lose the weight I wanted to last year, I did complete my 36 mile bike ride!  So that was a huge accomplishment for me.  Another long Bike ride is probably gonna get done in 2014.  Still leading up group run with Black Girls run and I have picked up a new group, so now I have Monday Evenings, and Sunday morning events that I host. 

I started off the year doing a 5k..I finished, not the greatest results, but I am glad I was able start the year off with a race.  So for now my race calendar includes the 5k - at the LA marathon in March, and a 10K in April at the Hollywood Half Marathon.  I'll wait and see what else I can get on the calendar.

I hope this year I will be more consistent with my blogging!  Here's to a New Year with New Adventures!