Reset...

Time for a do-over!  Time to reset and restart.

When I first started this blog in June 2011 I weighed in at a whooping 371.  I dieted, excercised for a couple of years, got under 300...and now...

I am knocking on the door of my 2011 weight!  I am honestly but a mere 5 lbs away!  March 1 - I got on the scale 366 lbs.  A serious reality check!  I never thought I would see myself back at my highest weight, but here I am.  Back at square one! I can't believe it!  I am so disappointed in myself. 

So folks, I am back at it, this blog helped me back in 2011 and It will help me in 2015.  Time to return to the basics, time to return to what helped and worked in the past.  My goal for this year is to permanently release 100 lbs.  That is 2 lbs a week for 52 weeks...well a little less than 52 weeks, since I missed out on Jan & Feb, but none the less, by Dec 31, 2015.  I hope to be 266 lbs or less! 

Let the countdown begin...100 lbs of fat on the wall.  Let's sing a new song! 

This thing called Love...

Sigh!
I wrote on my vision board the word Love!  That one little word...those 4 little letters are the HARDEST to understand. 

2014 much to my surprise..my heart was pleasantly surprised.  A guy who looked and gazed at me with what I called such admiration and love.  It was a struggle for me to receive it.  I ran and hid from it for song long.  We talked about it, spent time together...I was scared to let my heart be completely open to it.  I took baby steps into it, at times I stood still from the fear and at times, I did a full out retreat. 

And here it is now 3 months have gone by, and the gaze of admiration, the gaze of love is gone.  At first I was okay, well at least I told myself I was okay.  I prayed, I said God you are in control.  I have feelings for this one, I really felt I could be in love with this one, and I am trusting that things will work out in time.  That's where I left things...Trust in God, though I missed seeing him, and talking to him.  I am trusting that he will come back to me.  No he is not with someone else, but is currently out the state, something he does, he has family there, and his kids are there.  3 months he has been gone..and what broke me of all things? 

A picture, a simple picture of him with his song, hanging on the wall at his mom's house.  I have been so messed up and jacked up since seeing it.  LOVE...so heavy.  The matters of my heart...so heavy. 

I just truly hope Love find it's way back to me. 

I Had Way Too Much!

I can't remember the last time I felt this bad. But today I know without a shadow of a doubt, I've over done it! 

Yesterday I had that heavy feeling. My stomach feels like there's just stuff sitting in it not moving and today I had lunch with some friends for a birthday celebration. I ate way too much and I feel HORRIBLE! 

We had lunch at 11:30 and it's almost 9pm now and I have not been

able to eat anything else. I'm sipping on a probiotic drink right now and I don't think I can finish the 12 ounce bottle. I feeling so sick, so heavy. Walked for almost an hour this evening hoping it would help the digestion, and no such luck so far.

After this feeling I've had all day, I said its time to detox-lemons, veggies, greens...bring them on. I decided to start with this probiotic drink and tomorrow morning I'll start off with my detox teas. I gotta get rid of this feeling!

It Pays to Do Your Own...

Not to sound ungrateful, but I ventured to the cafeteria at my new work location. I saw on the menu board Protein Salad. I was excited and sad I had to try it.

Please tell me why I got to my desk to eat opened my contain and there is watermelon & cantaloupe on my salad? 

Do these fruit have protein content that I am unaware of? 

Despite the fruit in my protein salad, it was tasty! 

Healthy Women?

Lol! I should have called his post something else! believe me it's not gonna  be what you are expecting!

Today after 2 yrs of living in my complex my neighbor summoned me over. after asking questions and talking about our lingering plumbing issue in the building she says,  I have another son, he's 45 and he be checking you out. yes she said it just like that! Lol! She, continues, He likes healthy women. 

At this point I am baffled. Me healthy? Never! so, Is "he likes healthy women" the new polite way to say he likes big girls? Please enlighten me & educate me for I am out of touch with the modern day jargon! 

The Fish Swimming in Many Ponds!

That is what I am feeling like right now!  I hate to say it, but I have committed myself to so many things!

• In January I had committed to finishing 1013 miles before the end of 2013
• Beginning April 1 (yesterday) I joined A Mile A Day challenge for the month of April  
• Out of my ambition I ended up completing 5 miles on my first day of the challenge.  You may think this is a good thing, which in some sense it is.  But I have not covered this much ground in a while.  My hamstrings are tight, I am tired, I am hungry....and to think I gotta get my tale back out there today to put some miles in.  Eh?  Probably unlikely!
• I have a 5K this weekend.  Normally this is a non-event for me.  But I have been sick for 3 weeks And my first attempt at getting back to exercising was my Fryman Canyon hike on Saturday. My other dilemma...One of my undertakings for this year was to finally finish a durn 5K in under 45 minutes!  Will this be the race?  Lord, I sure hope so! 
• The girl who swore off hiking in August 2012; Did a hike last weekend, and has signed up for another hike in April.  Seriously, I am beginning to think I am not in my right mind when I agree to these things!

And this is just a few of the ponds...I'm swimming around like a fish without a head! LOL!  This is just the physically activity part of my life.   Let's not get started on the issues at work here in the middle of tax season!  Home life...a whole other issue.  But this Fish is determined to swim her way to victory. 

Loving the beach!

nothing like spending these last weekends of summer on the water!

Relaxing!

Yesterday and This Morning!

It is August 2nd, and I was supposed to weigh in this morning.  Oops!  Well let me tell you my excuse, I overslept.  I am supposed to be at work at 6:30a, I straight woke up at 6:03am!  HaHa!

So this morning was a mad dash to shower, dress and get out the door.  Which I did in record time.  I was out of the door by 6:33am.  Then much to my surprise, I walk out to my garage and what do I see?  A big ole Penske moving truck parked parallel to the garages.  I can't even get into my garage!  As you can imagine...I have smoke coming out of my ears!  I had 1/2 the mind to call a tow truck!  But somewhere deep within me there was a voice of reason...I called Penske and asked them to track down the driver to come move the darn truck!  

Okay so that was the drama of this morning!  I will move on to what I really came to report in about.  

Wednesday August 1st.  Pretty decent day!  I started off the morning with Rowing.  I meet 2 of the BGR girls over at the studio for a 6am class.  Rowing is hard on its own, being in class @ 6am just made it that much more difficult!  But nonetheless, I got through it.  It was a great way to start the day!  I will have to see how often I can be late to work, so I can get to 6am rowing class.

My energy levels were surprisingly high all day, I attribute that to the early morning exercise.  I maintained my planned meals for the day and even got an easy (very easy) evening workout.  So after I got done with my Arthritis Foundation Assignment I hopped on the treadmill.  I walked only, no jogging, and I keep it at a rather slow pace.  I stayed between 3 - 3.5mph.  Nothing to taxing since I already had my hard workout in the morning.  

Let the gym, started heading home and there was an accident on the 405 Freeway!  Ugh!  It made the drive home so much more later than it needed to be.  But at least I got home safely, and it appears the people in the accident were safe as well.  

Okay that is all for me today...Oh..here are yesterdays workouts:

Rowing:  I forgot to pull my meters off the darn machine!  http://www.endomondo.com/workouts/qtQAT1Ow1Wk

Treadmill:  My really slow stroll 

http://www.endomondo.com/workouts/lV5c5axldUQ

TTYL

Self Control: Where Are You?

I was going to blog last night..the pending question of the day was "Where is my Self Control?"  Yesterday was just a day of mindless eating.  The thought of stopping myself never even crossed my mind.  So Self Control Where are You?  I need you...oh so badly! 

Well the morning actually started off okay.  I had such great intentions of sticking to my food plan, I was gonna go run and do some weights, but I can't pinpoint what made me veer off track.

Breakfast:     3 Scrambled Eggs w/ Spinach w/ cupe of White Chocolate Latte

Mid AM Snack:     Tomato, Broccoli & Carrot Juice (it was hard to get down)

Lunch:  A co-worker brought me some tacos.  I ate 3 steak tacos, with lots of Pico De Gallo.  Then my Sees Candy order that I made for another co-workers fundraising thing came in, so then there was constant popping of nut chews, and various types of Sees Candies. 

Dinner:  10 Hot Wings, French Fries & a Coke from Rally's.  I'm not going to even lie, it tasted absolutely deliscious! 

The day ended with time at bible study, time at the laundromat, time in personal reflection.  Self Control....where are you?

Jacked up Day...But Juicing Begins!

Well folks I will start with hte drama of the day!  Eww.

1. A friends 17 year old nephew got shot in the head today.
2. A friend had a court date today regarding getting her kids back and that did not got well.  Friend is upset and back doing her thang.  Sad!

I know all things happen for a reason, we all have a choice.  But it still affects me to see people hurting especially when a child is lost.  Heavy day!

I am happy to report this is my first day every juicing twice in the day!  The day did not go as I planned, but with all things, I know I will have this perfected and planned out to a tea.  My goal for the upcoming 7 days is to Juice my breakfast and Dinner.  Eat lunch which will consist of salad, and if I have the munchies juice if am able or eat fruit & veggies. 

Day 1 of this little plan did not go according to schedule! I juiced this morning before gong to work, but consumed all the juice before leaving the house.  But by 10am I had kicked up such a hunger and had no fruits or veggies with me at work...I ended up eating, girl scout cookies, coffee, and ritz crackers!  I got an F on my first day!

My breakfast juice receipe was my staple drink...Celery & apples!
I juiced for dinner another detox recipe which is my first time trying.  Apple & beets.
The recipe called for 1/2 beet and 3 apples.
I really really hate beets, so I was a bit iffy about this, but the juice actually taste good!  And it has a cool purple color!  Ha Ha!  That is all I have for you tonight, I am tired and it's way pass my bed time. Talk to you later!

Beet & apple juice

15: The Defeated Number

Yesterday I had a check-in with my Weight Loss Coach.  Reality hit me as I was talking to her.  As I told her my current weight, which was 314.7...my mind kinda wondered off...I am 15 pounds away from getting under 300 pounds!  I'm oh so close!  I can see the victory, I can taste the victory, I want the victory.

I got up this morning and looked and my weight loss history on here and the last time I was this close to getting under 300 was in October 2011 and I was at about 319 according to my blog.  But I also remember Life between October - December was HELL!  The cares of life and my personal situation sidetracked me from staying focus.  I stopped excercising and I was eating crazy!

Here I am again...Round 2..standing on the brink of a break through!  I'm ready to go no holds barred...It's time to defeat those 15!  Are you with me?

Rough Day...

The title sums it up.  It was rough day.  I woke up feeling like I was hit by a bus.  Even though I slept enough hours, I just woke up feeling I was beat up during hte night.  I don't know why.  Then at about 11am, I had a massive headache, that did not go away until about 4pm.  I had the worst and longest bus ride home!  I dreaded going to work, and I despised being there today!   

I'll chalk this up to the Tuesday Blues, but I was so not in the mood for much today.  So no physical activity took place today.  I might try to hit hte gym later tonight, but let's be real, I came home from bible study and put on my pajamas. So the likelihood of me, changing clothes again, to go workout is very slim, but its nice that I had the thought! 

Something has been bugging me all day, and since this is my sounding board, I am just gonna put it out there.  I question myself alot about the things I do, and why I am not able to do certain things.  I was on the bus this morning reading the stage 3 materials of the Run Your Butt Off Book, and I hear, why don't you apply this same discipline to prayer?  C O N V I C T I O N is a ....  But seriously, why is it that its so easy for me to open up that Run Your Butt Off Book this morning, but didn't pick up my bible to read it?  The whole day has gone by and I did not spend 2 seconds reading the bible! 

Why is it I can force to my self to go walk or excercise, but I don't force myself to read the bible.  And I certainly don't force myself to pray.  Why?  Why?  What does that say about my so called love for God?  What does that say about my so called relationship with God?  Why is it easier for me to sit and this computer and blog about my eating and excercising and I can't spend any time with God.  The One who I say is my friend, my creator, Father...and more deeply, the God that loves me more that I could ever imagine?  Why o Why do I neglect God?  I wish I knew why.  I wish the perceived discpline I have to attempt to lose weight would transfer into my spiritual life...my prayer life...my relationship with God. 

I am seriously bothered by this.  I didn't feel right at all today.  I really didn't.  Do you remember when you were in High School and after graduation everyone promised they would keep in touch, and you did for a while but then after a while there was no more contact with the High School buddies?  I feel like that right now about my walk God.  I always promise that I wil pray that I will read my bible, and that usually lasts for a few days...yes seriously...just a few days, and then I am gone off to other things for months and then I hit a brick wall and realize wow, I left God again!

I really am glad He said, He would never leave me or forsake me!  What's sad and very hurtful to admit, is that I am the one always leaving Him.  I am the one that continually forsakes Him.  I have again abandoned Him.  He has never left me, He really hasn't.  I can't ever say that He has..He has never left me.  Why do I leave?   Why do I continue to be lured away and driven by my desires?  

Tonight at bible study we had a breif lesson on the Beatitudes, and the scripture, Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness for they shall be filled.
Hunger & Thirst for righteousness....hmm.  I can hunger and thirst for food and soda really well.  I excel at that, but again I ask, where is my hunger & thirst for the things God? 

The prodigal child must return home to her Father. 

Holiday Recap and Ramblings

Hey!  Merry Christmas!  I know I am late, what can I say, its better late than never.  I hope all of you had a great Holiday!

I continued on in my usual holiday tradition, Christmas in Las Vegas with my family. One full week of family time, and time for rest and relaxation.  Where to start. It's always good to go back home and hang with the family.  We are in no way, a perfect group, and we are a functional group, and the family love is always there. Family is hard to talk about sometimes, its usually the ones that you love that most that will drive you up the wall the most.  But nonethe less, the love remains, nothing can ever take that away.

This trip was a first for me.  When I got in my car to leave, I actually started to cry.   There were a few days on that trip my heart was extremely heavy.  I often times get so consumed with my problems and my issues that I forget that others too struggle and often struggle greater than I do.  I can not afford to be self consummed.  I can't let the issues with my car, and my apartment and my finances overtake me.  People are out there hurting, receiving near death news, depressed, and losing loved ones. I had a reality check.  I really did. 

I got to spend some more time with my nephew Alex.  He is such a happy baby, adorable as can be.  He has learned to say my name and we have bonded over Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and BaaBaa black sheep.  My mom has taught him many nursery ryhmes and even though he doesn't know all the words, he trys to sound out the words and its the most adorable thing in the world. 

The Christmas Goodies:
I am very very excited to report that I got a juicer for Christmas!  I was not expecting that!  I have wanted one for some time, just could not afford one.  My mom gave me one.  So if anyone out there happens to read this...I need help.  Email me, some juicing tips.  I have already started to search on the internet for the proper way to do this.  Once I start using it, there will be a product recommendation.

As always my sister always takes care of me.  I got a new purse, new shoes, Bacon Breakfast Buffett, and an overall great time while in town.  I am very proud of my sister, she is moving forward in her life.  Enrolled in school at UNLV..got a grant and is just finding her way in this crazy thing called life.  Big Smiles for my lil sis. 

Friends, co-workers and other loved ones: always bless me, great and small.  I really have nothing to complain about.  I certainly did not have the finances to give as I would have liked to this year.  All I could do is send Christmas cards, and just position myself and my heart to receive whatever came my way. 

So overall a great Christmas and I truly wish everyone's was great.  So here we are 2 days left until 2012 rolls in!  I'm giving myself these last 2 days to re-group...January 1, I'm back on track with my excercising and dieting.  I gotta get the rest of this weight off of me.  It's gotta gotta go and I gotta get it done son!

I'm out...talk to you later.

Kyra

Inspired Yet Again....

I spent a few hours today browsing various bloggers.  Reading content, looking at designs, widgets, etc.  When I spend time doing that, it always gets my wheels turning.  Even though I say I am keeping this blog as a personal diary for myself, I do want to make it the best it can be. 

So the wheels are turning...and they are turning rather quickly.  I think 2012 may be the year, I move my blog to its own domain.  I think my blog may need a little out of pocket funding from me to really get it out there. 

On a personal note, I have a long mental list of goals and aspirations.  I think I want to incorporate that into my blog.  I think a new page?  Maybe I can find a goal board type widget?  Who knows, but as the new year rolls in, I am looking for the new Me to be come forth.  No more holding back.  I am gonna be switching things up next year!  I am so excited. 

If anyone out there in internet world stumbles upon this blog post, please feel free to make any suggestions that would help improve this blog.  I am open to any and all suggestions. 

Take Care.

Kyra

Dressing Room Confessional

Howdy.

So here it is...there needs to seriously be an overhaul in the fashion industry.  Whomever is making our clothes these days, they suck!  I took advantage of a sale this weekend at the Avenue.  My main objective was to buy underwear and bras, but while I was there I tried on some jeans and some capri and some other items just to see what I could fit into.

So my rant steams from me currently owning and wearing an Avenue Jean in size 22, and when I tried this on this weekend, I couldn't fit a size 22!  WTH?  I don't understand?  It is rather frustrating!  I didn't buy any jeans cause I refuse at this stage to buy a size 24 jeans!

I am happy to report that progress I have made in the underwear department.  At the beginning of my journey.  I was wearing a size 48DD (or sometimes DDD, depending on the cut).  This weekend, as I played trail and error with the size I needed...I was able to get into a 44D!  Yah Me!   Then in the underwear department..I used to buy a 26/28 underwear and this weekend...18/20!   Yah Me! 

Yah Me! I am getting closer and closer to my first milestone...which is to get under 300!  I can't wait!

See ya later.

Kyra

What a Monday...

Monday Monday Monday!
Why! Monday!
Mondays are so hard, so unkind, so unloving!
Really struggled today and had the Monday Blues!

Today not the best eat day, but I knew going in it wouldn't be.  We had our new hire luncheon today, and like a bad girl, I ate pizza!  But that is all I ate today with the except of an apple.  Drank lots of water cause I did get hungry at about 7pm.  But I told myself I could not afford to eat anything else.

I can't believe how time is flying.  Another night at the Arthritis Foundation, and I can't believe that Mireya will be on maternity leave soon!  So much to do, and so little time.  We had a good night though, tossed back and forth some ideas, worked out some plans, and now I think we have a better idea of what needs to get done in the next 4 weeks.  Then reality set in,  Next Saturday, I have to be at an Expo for the Foundation...by myself!  Mireya will not be with me, there is a training class that day so we are spllitting duties!  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  I hope things go well!

Not much else happened today.  I download my L.A. Fair pictures, and below is the one I decided to share!  I think its cute and yet rather hilarious! 

LA County Fair, Oct 1, 2011

Just checking In!

Wow Last week was not a good blog week for me.  I was missing in action most of the week!  I had a really stressful week.  It was a bad eat week.  I am shocked I didn't gain anything.  I pretty much stayed the same.   I am recommitting myself to my goals.  I still want to lose 40-50 more pounds before the end of the year.   I need to get serious now becuase once Thanksgiving gets here, I know it will hard to resist all the wonderful food.  So I getting back at it....after today's BJ Pizza for lunch!  LOL! 

I had an enjoyable weekend!  The weather was perfect, I spent Saturday at the L.A. County Fair.  That was my first time ever going!  It was cool, I will have to make that an annual event.  I have some pictures from the fair, but they are on my home computer so I will have to share them later.  Other than that, I don't have much to report, so that's it. 

See ya lighter!

Terrible Tuesday...

Yesterday was one of the hardest days I have had in a while.  I know I am hard on myself..but I fell face first off the bandwagon.  THe day started bad and ended bad.  I can't think of anything good that happened yesterday, except for the fact that I survived the day!

The first Irritant of the Day:  WORK!
I know this will sound petty, but I get to work 6:30am.  I log into my computer..get into my email, ya know the normal morning routine.  As I am checking my email, I have an email from my boss, saying Client X called and wanted to know the amount of her distribution.  He ends the email with, can you check on that and call them back to clarify.  Now, this is 2011 and everything is electronic and automated, with the stroke of maybe 10 keys he could have looked up the distribution amount and told it to the client.  Are we really that incompetent? 

When we need transactions and things completed at work we have to enter what we call a case.  I had entered a case to change a fee on an account.  THen out of the blue another trust officer from NY called asking me about my case.  I am stunned cause I'm thinking why is it that she even knows about my case, is she checking the items I submit?  But anyways, she continues to tell me my case is incorrect and that I need to do something else.  Mind you 2 weeks ago I submitted the same type of case on another account the same way and had no issues. 

The issues at worked continued all day!  It was none stop. It just made all those feelings of hating my job resurface.  I really dislike being there, and I wish I did not have to be.  

Next Irritant of the Day:  Lunch
Today was a co-worker (Bill) birthday.  We decided to treat him to lunch and got some pies for hte office.  So off Israel & I go to pick up the food from Apple Pan down near Pico/Westwood.  We get to the restaurant they are still putting the food together, the handed us the 3 pies and a big old box full of stuff.  So off we go back to the office.  We start unpacking all the food and my order is missing and so is Bills!  So Israel gets on the phone and tells them we are missing 2 orders.  So back into the car we go retrieve our missing lunches.  Got back to the office with my food...it was the most disappionting burger and the fries were nasty!  I needed comfort food and I was so hoping that the burger and fries would have hit the spot, but no such luck!

Sidebar:  As I write this I am reminded of one good thing, My dear friend at work Iris, brought me Pico De Gallo

I got home, and I just felt so so defeated.  I hated work, hated that I even had to go back.  I sat on the couch and even though I knew I should be changing to go to spin class @ 5:30p, I just didn't want to do it.  I just wanted to wallow in my sadness and I did.  At about 7pm I told myself to go get a pedicure.  Pedicures to me are very relaxing.  I like the massage chairs at the salon I go to.  So that was my relaxation for the evening.

Next Irritant of the Day:  Water
On my way to the salon I stopped at 7-11 to get cash and I wanted a drink, so I got a 1-liter bottle of water.  I at some point, did not screw the top of the water bottle back on, and guess what, the whole bottle of water spilled in my car!  Everything was soaked! 

All in all a bad day for me.  Glad it over, and I hope today has something better in store for me.

99% Recooperated...ready to get back at it

I know I have been silent all weekend.  It was a busy and tiring weekend!  Saturday I spent all day with a friend for her birthday.  Good times were had.  We had lunch, did a little shopping, watched a movie!  Sigh...its the most I have done since I got sick!   So it was a bit tiring for me, I must admit. 

So let me talking about my shopping....I got a skirt and a pair of tall boots from the avenue!    I was gonna show you pictures, but the Avenue website is not allowing me to steal the pictures so here are the links:

Boots: Purchased in Black 
http://www.avenue.com/clothing/Tina-Slouch-Buckle-Boot.aspx?PfId=245553&DeptId=19963&ProductTypeId=1

Skirt:  Purchased in Gray
http://www.avenue.com/clothing/Crosshatch-Paneled-Skirt.aspx?PfId=237421&DeptId=19953&ProductTypeId=1

I also got a nice turquoise top from Kohl's!  I am loving Turquoise.  I was very surprised, I was able to get into a size 1X!  

While I was Avenue I feel in love with a coat.  $80...but I loved it!  So I am going to use the coat as a motivator.  When I lose 25 more pounds, I will treat myself to the coat!

Now that I am almost 100% over my cold.  Its time to buckle back down with my eating and my workout schedule.  Tuesday will be my first day back with Jen, I will look at teh 24hr Group Class schedule and see what I can get myself into this week.  Expect to see my workout calendar updated by the end of the day!

Well that is all I have to share right now, gotta get back to work!  Tata!

Don't Believe the Hype! - Organic can be cheaper!!!

For the last few months, I have been buying as much organic produce as I can.  I ran out of my apples, I have been buying from Sprouts.  So this morning, I opted to go to my local grocery story for some apples.

I get to Ralph's supermarket and regular (non-organic apples) were $1.79 a pound!  I almost hit the floor!  Are they nuts?  $1.79 a pound?  Highway robbery!    At Sprouts, I can get regular (non organic) apples for like 88 cents a pound, and at times they are on sale for 49 cents a pound.  I have only bought organic apples from Sprouts once, but ya better believe it was way cheaper than $1.79 a pound.

So what is the moral of this story?  Everyone seems to think that buying organic food is expensive and costly.  I say that, cause I used to think that way.  When done correctly, you can buy organic produce at a lower price than the regular pesticide contamined produce!  And the organic produce taste so so much better! 


Sprouts Farmer's Market...this post is dedicated to you!  I love you and I am so gratefully that you are in my life!    Visit a Sprout's Farmer's Market in your area!   View Sprouts Farmer's Market Online

Apples @ Ralph's $1.79