Saturday, July 4, 2015


This post is so not weight loss related, but I needed to write it!

Last night July 3rd, I went to a concert at the Greek Theater here in L.A.  It was my first time at the Greek Theater and it was a couple of old 80/90's R&B singers.  Who could pass up T.R.O.O.P, SWV, Ginuwine, Tony Toni Tone and Blacksteet?  I grew up listening to them, it was the much of my childhood!  And better yet, it was free my Friends won the tickets!

That being said, I had a really great time!  The concert was great...I could have done without Troop & Tony Toni Tone in all honesty, but Ginuwine & Blackstreet put on really good performances.  SWV, I love them, but they had such a short set.  I think they sang for only 30 minutes, they could have sang for an hour.  I wish they did more.

I am a fan of all the artists, but who I really wanted to see was Blackstreet and they were the last to hit the stage and seeing what they did, it was the perfect closing act!  They had an hour on teh stage and I am sure they could have gone on for like 3 more hours.  So here I was anticipation built up, waiting for them to come on the stage and there they were.  Teddy Riley and 2 dudes, whose names I never bothered to remember.  They sang a few seconds of some Blackstreet songs as a teaser and guess who comes on stage...DAVE HOLLISTER!   I officially was in the Blackstreet moment.  In my Eddie Murphy voice from Coming to America, "That boy can sing"  LOL!  I had not listened to Blackstreet or Dave Hollister music in so long, I forgot how much I loved his voice!  Listening to him sing was AMAZING!  Well he had the opportunity to sing a new song, he is releasing an album.  Teddy Riley did a solo set, which was incredible which leads me to the MEMORY.  In Teddy Riley's solo set, He brings out Kool Moe Dee!  And while I can't tell you much about Kool Moe Dee, and I can't name most of his songs, there is one song of his that I know, and I create that knowledge to my brother.  On comes Kool Moe Dee Singing Wild Wild West!  While he is performing, my memory goes back to maybe 1987/88ish?  Not sure of the real year, but I remember this song from my childhood with my brother Kevin.  I don't know what we were trying to do.  But my memory of this song, is he was trying to get me to rap the song.  He had written down the words, I remember him standing behind the bar at our house with our old record player like he was a DJ and I am trying to rap the song!

That was the memory replaying in my head all night and even today, the day after the performance. Strangly this memory struck me, I often remember all the things my brother has done that angered me to no end!  I can recall them in a heart beat, that I forgot that we actually had some good times.  When I think of us trying to DJ & perform Wild Wild West as kids, I remember then having fun, it was just the 2 of us.  My sister and brother weren't around at that time.  If they were I don't remember then partaking in our performance, I just remember it being me & "Kevi" as my sister would call him.  It's my good memory of my brother among all the bad ones, that I have, but I cherish it deeply.  I was maybe 10/11 at the time and Here it is 20+ years later, that Kool Moe Dee at a concert would remind me, that I had good times with my brother, things weren't always bad.  So I say to myself and to anyone that may read this, We have good memories, we have bad memories.  Hold on to the good ones, and let the bad ones go!  Real talk!

To finish off this post and to make my memory complete, and audio snippet of last night Kool Moo Dee performance!  Kool Moe Dee-Wild Wild West


Thursday, June 4, 2015

Small Changes...

Well Hello there!

The mid-point of the year is here!  AHHHH! 
Well I am going to try to not focus on the lack of time I have.  I know once I get serious and get into a routine, anything is bound to happen. 

Things have gotten a little better.  My eating has gotten better.  My workouts, are few and far between.  But I hope to change that shortly.  Summer is around the corner, we have extra daylight after work and I am now keeping a few changes of workout clothes in the car.  The goal is...When traffic is bad, instead of sitting on the 405 freeway, I can stop and go to the gym or even stop at a park and go for a walk.  I have a plan, it's time to implement it.  I have been driving around with a change of clothes in the car since Tuesday!  It's going to happen I promise.  The plan in place...Implementation will happen shortly!

Good legs are no longer cramping up.  But  for some odd reason my right leg continues to swell up on me.  I always thought it as dehydration, but I have been drinking anywhere from 2-3 liters of water these last few days and no relief.  It is not painful, but there is no reason why just my right leg would be swollen.  I plan to go get some celery & apples and juice them.  Get some stuff to help flush my system and my liver. 

My Victory for the Week:  I've gone all week w/o Soda! 
Monday, May 18, 2015

Time to Re-evaluate things...

Man time is a flying.  My last post was in March and back then I said, I was resetting my weight loss journey.  I am now in May and well the reset button has not been pressed yet!  What is wrong with me?

Today was a different day of sorts, I really had the desire to do better today.  I got up this morning and frantically prepared myself for work.  And it was frantic since I did not prepare anything the night before.  I made my breakfast, a protein shake, my lunch, and ironed my clothes all before leaving the house this morning.  And when I say made my lunch, I really mean made.  I was cooking chicken at 4:30am! LOL!  I must have been meant to be, I got it all accomplished in time and made it to work on time...actually 10 minutes to spare.

When I was at work, I was taking inventory..June is almost here.  June...6 months into the year and little to no progress has been made on this weight loss Journey.  If I remember correctly, I have 31 weeks until the end of the year? I will double check that fact,  but...time is running out on me!  I have got to kick it into high gear!  I was moved today to apply to be a PrayFit Ambassador.  I just felt like it would be a goal, something I should try.  We shall see what happens, all they can say is no, but I tried.

Monday May 18th...Fuel and Fire
Pre-Breakfast: Protein Shake mixed with 6 ounces water, 2 ounces of milk, dash of magnesium, and a dash of Spirulina powder.

Breakfast:  4 Scrambled Eggs, Seattle Best Drip coffee, Banana

Lunch:  1 Chicken Breast, boiled Broccoli

Dinner:  Lamb Burger, Cranberry Cooler, & Passion Fruit Cheesecake

Fire:  Evening walk...51 minutes

My legs have been cramping up a lot lately.  I read online that muscle cramps are a sign of magnesium deficiancy,  Luckily for me, I have some powder magnesium tat my doctor gave me last year to help with constipation, so I am using it to see if it will help my muscle cramps.  I'll let you know how that works out.

Today I felt really inspired, really motivated to move forward, so I hope this is the beginning of a new path.
Tuesday, March 10, 2015


Time for a do-over!  Time to reset and restart.

When I first started this blog in June 2011 I weighed in at a whooping 371.  I dieted, excercised for a couple of years, got under 300...and now...

I am knocking on the door of my 2011 weight!  I am honestly but a mere 5 lbs away!  March 1 - I got on the scale 366 lbs.  A serious reality check!  I never thought I would see myself back at my highest weight, but here I am.  Back at square one! I can't believe it!  I am so disappointed in myself. 

So folks, I am back at it, this blog helped me back in 2011 and It will help me in 2015.  Time to return to the basics, time to return to what helped and worked in the past.  My goal for this year is to permanently release 100 lbs.  That is 2 lbs a week for 52 weeks...well a little less than 52 weeks, since I missed out on Jan & Feb, but none the less, by Dec 31, 2015.  I hope to be 266 lbs or less! 

Let the countdown begin...100 lbs of fat on the wall.  Let's sing a new song! 

Monday, January 26, 2015

This thing called Love...

I wrote on my vision board the word Love!  That one little word...those 4 little letters are the HARDEST to understand. 

2014 much to my heart was pleasantly surprised.  A guy who looked and gazed at me with what I called such admiration and love.  It was a struggle for me to receive it.  I ran and hid from it for song long.  We talked about it, spent time together...I was scared to let my heart be completely open to it.  I took baby steps into it, at times I stood still from the fear and at times, I did a full out retreat. 

And here it is now 3 months have gone by, and the gaze of admiration, the gaze of love is gone.  At first I was okay, well at least I told myself I was okay.  I prayed, I said God you are in control.  I have feelings for this one, I really felt I could be in love with this one, and I am trusting that things will work out in time.  That's where I left things...Trust in God, though I missed seeing him, and talking to him.  I am trusting that he will come back to me.  No he is not with someone else, but is currently out the state, something he does, he has family there, and his kids are there.  3 months he has been gone..and what broke me of all things? 

A picture, a simple picture of him with his song, hanging on the wall at his mom's house.  I have been so messed up and jacked up since seeing it. heavy.  The matters of my heavy. 

I just truly hope Love find it's way back to me. 
Saturday, January 3, 2015

3 Days in...

Start the third day of the New Year!  There is so much in my head and my heart, I don't know if I can contain it in a post!

My excitement for the New Year continues.  With that excitement comes some serious heart and life issue that I must deal with.  It is so easy for me to fall into guilt, shame, and depression, when I consider what all I have to take care of! 

I started off the New Year with one of my loves, take pictures.  I started 2015 at a neighborhood park watching the first sun rise of the year.  This is my second year doing this, and it is the most amazing thing.  Yes the sun rises every year, but it just seems like that first sun rise is better.  It was really cold that morning..39 degrees.  When I got to the park it was dark, I was alone, no one was there yet.  I didn't want to get cold and for safety reasons I stayed in the car until my friend showed up.  Even the the moments of darkness in my car, my eyes caught these 2 amazing trees in front of me.  They were beautiful!  My eyes began to wander and again, I caught a glimpse of lights coming from some of the houses in the neighboring hills.  I don't know what it is, but the smallest light in darkness is so pretty.  My eyes kept wandering around the darkness and much to my surprise I could see the highrises of downtown Los Angeles!  Here I am at a park maybe 12-15 miles away and in the darkness, I can make out the lights and words on the buildings.  I could see Citibank, U.S. Bank, Aon...amazing!  That made me get out of the car with my camera in hand.  I was determined to get a good shot of Downtown in this darkness!  Well all my attempts falled, it was so cold my hands were shaking and every picture was blurry!  Oh well I said, I got back in the car...and boom...Life lesson! 

Even in the darkest of situation there is good, there is beauty!  Darkness is not blindness!  As dark as it was, my eyes were fully functioning and I could see.   I saw alot in the darkness!  But why?  Because I took the time to look!  It made me think of that scripture ears to hear, eyes to see.  Clearly not a direct bible quote, but you get the gist.  We have eyes, but are we using them to see what is around us?  We really don't have to be succumb to the darkness around us.  Yes there is a lot of darkness and lots of bad times, but in those bad and dark times, there is something of beauty in it, there is someting good in it.  I just have to make my eyes wander and look for the good!

My friend arrived and we ventured to spot where we thought we'd see the sun come up.  I have noticed that the sun likes to play and hide and seek.  We stood in area looking for the colors in the sky to change and we saw nothing.  We walked over to another area, in the same park and the sky was completely different.  We could see the oranges, and the reds and the yellows. We knew that the sun was coming up over here!  Now the sky is pretty darn big, but its amazing how at that moment time.  the sky was many different colors.  If you looked one way, you could see "sunrise" colors, another area it was grayish blue, and in another area it was completely blue and very light, like the sun had already came up!  It takes but a few minutes from the moment we saw the sun peak up from behind the mountain to it full risen state.  The sunrise is beautiful, but its the changing in the sky that always captures my attention.  It's like God puts on a pre-show before the sun comes up!  Those 15-20 minutes before the sunrise is just spectacular! 

After my sunrise adventure I meet a friend for breakfast.  We don't hang out that often but when we do, we seem to always have these heartfelt conversations.  I don't really consider myself a people person, and certainly don't open up to people.  But somehow this friend, that I have only known for a short time, I feel comfortable with.  I tell her things, that I have never told anyone.  She is really easy to talk to and she gets me, well I think she gets me.  She understands what I am trying to say when I can't really phrase it well.  So after our 2 hours in Ihop...yes we ate and sat in IHOP talking for 2 hours! She left, saying well, I hope you don't mind, but I am going to check in on you, to make sure you are doing what you are supposed to be doing.  I told her that was fine, I needed the help.  Even me saying I need help, is a big step, but we'll save that one for another day.

Friday (day 2 of the New Year) nothing to Epic to write about.  I had to work, just is just so useless, so boring.  I hate being there, I really do.  But I need a pay check. 

So here we are the beginning of day 3.  What a day it has already been!  My doctor had recommended to me that I attend these overeaters anonymous meetings.  TRUTH:  when she first recommended it, in my head I said, I am not going.  I really refused to go, and every time she asked about hte meetings, I made up an excuse as to why I had not gone.  I had my monthly check in with my doctor and in her usual fashion she asked if I started the meetings.  I said no, and again said, but I will.  Full well knowing I had no real intention of going!  Something changed with me from Dec 15th to Dec 31st, because here I was on the computer when I got back from Vegas looking for a meeting I could attend.  I sent 2 emails and I got one response and here I am, January 3rd, I have attended my first meeting. 

Most of the meeting was alot of talking.  Which we all know I am not a fan of, but there were some things that were said that were helpful and motivational for me. 
  1. God will do for me what I can not do for myself
  2. I am among equals, I am not better than and I am not less than.  We are all equals
  3. Admit you are Powerless
  4. Ask for Help (again a discussion for a later date)
  5. Feeling disconnected is essentially lacking love
  6. Ask God to change your perception
I could write ooodles on these,, and like I said it was random people talking.  People went forward and shared there experiences and these are some of the things said that rang true for me.  Looking over this list, that I wrote.  on the back of a christmas card I had in my purse since I didn't bring a notebook, much of it relates to things I put on my vision board. 

As with anything new and with my overly critical nature on the drive home, my thoughts about the meeting ran through my head.  Thoughts of well I didn't like this, I don't like that, I am not sure if this is for me.  I got off the freeway and decided to stop at the 99 cent store for a notebook.  I figure I will need a notebook just for these meetings.  I parked  and I sat in the car for a while and bursted out in tears!  TRUTH:  On the drive from Santa Monica to the 99cent Store I had almost talked myself out of continuing these meetings.  TRUTH: It was in the few moments of just sitting in the car I realized I have a problem with asking for help!  I sent a text to my pastor while I was sitting in the parking lot.  My text was: 
There is a part of me that likes being a problem solver.  But I'm the problem and I can't fix me.
The response:  Yes, now we can surrender to God

Which made me think of #1:  God will do for me what I can't for myself. 

The words I Can't as of today, January 3 have a completely new meaning for me.  I can't do this in my own strength, I can't do this on my own period...I need help, I can't rely on will power.  I will rely On Jesus, cause HE WILL do everything. 

So on that note, I end this post.  There is much more to say.  I could talk about how this has exposed a whole other area of PRIDE, UNBELIEF, etc, but enough has been said.  I have 362 other opportunities to write and I am sure at some point all these things will be discussed or at least come up again.

But now I need to rename this blog...It's no longer just about Fitness.  It's about everything.  At somepoint the name will change not sure, but if you come on here and see a new name, you'll know why.