Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Tuesday Night Night Cap

The day has winded away!  Its been a while (again) sits I have updated anything.  Oops!  Work has been busy...so updating in the day time has not been able to take place and I have been so tired at nights I have not posted at night.  So here I am again, just making a quick post for the sake posting sake! :0)

I won't bore you with the what I ate, what exercise I did, but I am writing tonight from the...What's eatting you perspective.  Many years ago, I was told it not what I eat, but what's eatting me that is the root to my weight issue.  It took me a while to embrace that saying..but its so true.  Have you ever gone a week eat extremely worked out like crazy and then sit back and realize it made no difference on the scale, but something with in you is not right or you are just plain unhappy?  Been there done that...and I am back to it again.

I am back on the roller coaster of emotions.  It took me at least 4 days to realize I was on it.  But the rollercoaster came to a screeching halt last Friday night.  Then Friday night was a night of crying, tears, and facing the reality of what I was feeling about certain situations.  We all get hurt, and I know for me I always pacify the situation with saying it's okay, no worries, I will be okay...and I just keep it pushing.  So like a pimple that has been squeezed....I popped and out come all the emotions! I had been getting very angry, and bitter about expectations that people put on me...and almost borderline demand me to do.  And it had gotten so bad it was coming on all fronts, personal life, work, church, family...etc.  I was beginning to think the whole world has gone mad!  I truly felt like I had the weight of the universe on my this past week! 

So I got lots of release on Saturday during prayer, or at least so I thought and what I thought was healing and closure on Monday.  But today...my little heart was truly blessed...truly healed, truly made whole, truly BROKEN to its core and it came from the most unexpected place.  Where do you ask?  From a child!  The sweet, the genuine act of a child.  It could not get any more pure and real that for it to come from a child!   After questioning if anything mattered, if anything I do to try to help people matters, and if they even cared? 

So today here I am again going to give money to someone.  And I was thinking, to myself they probably have no idea what all I have gone through and sacrificed for them to have this money.  I just knew in my mind they would not appreciate it, that they probably wouldn't do what they said they would do with it.  But I said I would give it so, in an attempt to keep my word, I still gave the money.  But today it was different.  When I called them to come outside, she came outside, she is just a kid, but her face was just lit with happiness, she was grinning ear to ear, and she as truly just grateful.  I was shocked..I had never seen or felt what I was feeling from sitting in my car.  She started to walk away and I was in tears.  All I could say to myself, is oh my God, after everything I had been feeling...I needed to see her reaction.  And then I was reminded that not everyone will receive things in the right spirit.  If I had closed myself off completely to helping people, the ones that do need it will miss out.  So for all the wrong that had been done by others, it does not outweigh me knowing that there was one, that is appreciative and grateful..and I am helping and making a difference in her life....I hope!  :0) So today and from this day forward..I do it for the One!  The One that will take it and run with it! 

I know none of this will make sense to anyone..but oh well!  This one's for me!  Night Night Folks! 


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