Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Rough Day...

The title sums it up.  It was rough day.  I woke up feeling like I was hit by a bus.  Even though I slept enough hours, I just woke up feeling I was beat up during hte night.  I don't know why.  Then at about 11am, I had a massive headache, that did not go away until about 4pm.  I had the worst and longest bus ride home!  I dreaded going to work, and I despised being there today!   

I'll chalk this up to the Tuesday Blues, but I was so not in the mood for much today.  So no physical activity took place today.  I might try to hit hte gym later tonight, but let's be real, I came home from bible study and put on my pajamas. So the likelihood of me, changing clothes again, to go workout is very slim, but its nice that I had the thought! 

Something has been bugging me all day, and since this is my sounding board, I am just gonna put it out there.  I question myself alot about the things I do, and why I am not able to do certain things.  I was on the bus this morning reading the stage 3 materials of the Run Your Butt Off Book, and I hear, why don't you apply this same discipline to prayer?  C O N V I C T I O N is a ....  But seriously, why is it that its so easy for me to open up that Run Your Butt Off Book this morning, but didn't pick up my bible to read it?  The whole day has gone by and I did not spend 2 seconds reading the bible! 

Why is it I can force to my self to go walk or excercise, but I don't force myself to read the bible.  And I certainly don't force myself to pray.  Why?  Why?  What does that say about my so called love for God?  What does that say about my so called relationship with God?  Why is it easier for me to sit and this computer and blog about my eating and excercising and I can't spend any time with God.  The One who I say is my friend, my creator, Father...and more deeply, the God that loves me more that I could ever imagine?  Why o Why do I neglect God?  I wish I knew why.  I wish the perceived discpline I have to attempt to lose weight would transfer into my spiritual life...my prayer life...my relationship with God. 

I am seriously bothered by this.  I didn't feel right at all today.  I really didn't.  Do you remember when you were in High School and after graduation everyone promised they would keep in touch, and you did for a while but then after a while there was no more contact with the High School buddies?  I feel like that right now about my walk God.  I always promise that I wil pray that I will read my bible, and that usually lasts for a few days...yes seriously...just a few days, and then I am gone off to other things for months and then I hit a brick wall and realize wow, I left God again!

I really am glad He said, He would never leave me or forsake me!  What's sad and very hurtful to admit, is that I am the one always leaving Him.  I am the one that continually forsakes Him.  I have again abandoned Him.  He has never left me, He really hasn't.  I can't ever say that He has..He has never left me.  Why do I leave?   Why do I continue to be lured away and driven by my desires?  

Tonight at bible study we had a breif lesson on the Beatitudes, and the scripture, Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness for they shall be filled.
Hunger & Thirst for righteousness....hmm.  I can hunger and thirst for food and soda really well.  I excel at that, but again I ask, where is my hunger & thirst for the things God? 

The prodigal child must return home to her Father. 


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