Monday, September 13, 2010

Ugh...a day of lots of internal struggles.

After coming off of my weekend eating binge, I guess todays eats was okay.  A big improvement from the last 3 days.  I did not keep a good calorie count today, So I am not sure where I am calorie wise but here is what I ate today.

     White Chocolate Latte


    Salad (homemade)

     White Chocolate Mocha
      Slice of Pumpkin Bread

     Hot link w/ mustard & relish
     Hot dog bun

     I made it into the gym, but that is about all that got done.  At 8:30ish the durn gym was still packed.  There was not an empty treadmill or elliptical.  So I grabbed my stuff and left.  To make matters worse, I got back to my car and I am leaving the parking garage for the gym...and for the whole 15 minutes I was in there it cost me $8 to park my car!  That was the most expensive 15 minutes of my life!  Sigh.

I need to pray and get some things off my chest, I am heavy right now.  I am hurt, I am hearing the little child in me kicking and screaming saying "I don't wanna"  I hear the sound of fear in my voice.  I am feeling myself trembling because of my worry and my fear.  All I could do on hte car ride home was cry.  I know my tears don't move God, but I literally felt numb today.  All that could come out of me was tears..I can't formulate words to express the pain...but there is pain to my core. 


Linga said...

I'm rooting for you Kyra!!!

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